At first I was going to do one of those cliché, “___ Lessons I’ve Learned At ___” age sort of posts. You know the ones. Short and pithy but deeply philosophical and emotional.
But, I’m not.
I’d rather just take the day and enjoy it as it goes. Maybe I’ll do one of those posts for the new year, if I feel up to it.
Honestly, I’m just happy I’ve made it through another year.
A few weeks ago I found myself on the receiving end of a natural disaster, except this time around, I wasn’t the one who had to experience it firsthand.
I think I’ve lost my spark. I still enjoy writing, and when I can get into the groove, it takes a lot to get me to stop. But lately, I haven’t had the desire to write. Even thinking about it makes me cringe. Writer’s block? I guess you could say so.
I believe part of it is because I’m here, on this platform. Anyone can come along and read what I have to say, anyone can engage in the content. And it sinks into your head, this idea that you must write for these invisible people who may or may not exist, and that adds on a certain amount of pressure. Sometimes, I have nothing worth writing about, and I force myself to fulfill some internal deadline.
Not that deadlines are bad! I always want to contribute at least one post a month, and so far I’ve been doing that. At the same time, I’ve become worried about the life-state of this blog, when in reality I’m just using it as an outlet for my many thoughts and feelings.
That’s what I want to focus on first and foremost. I want to write for the thrill again. I want to write when I feel like it, and not because I feel like I have to do so. I want to keep this space as genuine as possible, but semi-active, too.
So, dear reader, do excuse any lapses. I believe in quality above quantity, and if you don’t mind that, then stick around. And if not, feel free to stop by whenever you’d like. I’ll probably still be here. I’m just not going to pile on the stress anymore.
A few days ago, I had a short but pleasant conversation with an old high school friend who now lives across the country. I haven’t seen this friend in many years, and it was great to hear from her and get a glimpse into her current life.
I asked if she’d kept in touch with any other people we knew from school, to which she replied with, “One or two.”
And it’s kind of weird, once you think about it.
Our standards are higher than ever: we expect the best from everyone at all times, and if one doesn’t rise to the expectations of their peers, they’re criticized.
This is not a new concept. No matter what, people are going to point out what’s wrong with someone else (and will go to great lengths especially if they don’t like you), casually ignoring their own faults.
But what I’m focusing on is this strange air of professionalism that’s permeating everything we do now. This is, in part, because of the internet and how easy it is to scroll through someone’s life. People become so afraid of having their pasts used against them that they erect a massive wall and hide under the shiny veneer of perfection.
I survived Lent!
I’m not Catholic, but I’ve always been interested in trying out Lent. So this year when Ash Wednesday rolled around, I hopped aboard with a wish and a prayer (literally). For approximately 46 days, I went cold turkey on a number of habits, and despite myself, I made it through.