A few weeks ago I found myself on the receiving end of a natural disaster, except this time around, I wasn’t the one who had to experience it firsthand.
I think I’ve lost my spark. I still enjoy writing, and when I can get into the groove, it takes a lot to get me to stop. But lately, I haven’t had the desire to write. Even thinking about it makes me cringe. Writer’s block? I guess you could say so.
I believe part of it is because I’m here, on this platform. Anyone can come along and read what I have to say, anyone can engage in the content. And it sinks into your head, this idea that you must write for these invisible people who may or may not exist, and that adds on a certain amount of pressure. Sometimes, I have nothing worth writing about, and I force myself to fulfill some internal deadline.
Not that deadlines are bad! I always want to contribute at least one post a month, and so far I’ve been doing that. At the same time, I’ve become worried about the life-state of this blog, when in reality I’m just using it as an outlet for my many thoughts and feelings.
That’s what I want to focus on first and foremost. I want to write for the thrill again. I want to write when I feel like it, and not because I feel like I have to do so. I want to keep this space as genuine as possible, but semi-active, too.
So, dear reader, do excuse any lapses. I believe in quality above quantity, and if you don’t mind that, then stick around. And if not, feel free to stop by whenever you’d like. I’ll probably still be here. I’m just not going to pile on the stress anymore.
At the start of this year, I was practicing two languages – French and Spanish – and mainly used Duolingo to keep on top of my daily studies (I’ve since dropped French and have been focusing solely on Spanish).
While my Spanish to begin with isn’t too bad – thanks to many years of language class in school – it still helps to keep up with it. However, as the days drag on, I find myself more focused on “getting it out of the way” rather than truly taking in the language. My vocabulary is extensive. My practical grasp on the language, one the other hand, is not.
Once you get into a certain habit, it becomes second nature. Unfortunately in a lot of cases, that also means you’re just going through the motions. You do it because that’s what you do. It’s a simple matter to open up a phone app, reach your (or the app’s) goal, and carry on about your day. It becomes second nature in a bad way, and instead of absorbing it all, you’re doing it with no real useful outcome. In some ways, you’re making it harder on yourself because you need to go back and re-learn it.
I’m not saying that practice is bad. Far from it. At times it can be very helpful and in this particular situation, my vocabulary has grown, and that’s not a negative. But to blindly follow along with something just because, you forfeit (and often forget) important critical thinking that allows you to truly learn.
When I was a Peace Corps Volunteer, we were taught (lol) about the dangers of rote memorization, or “chalk and talk” as it was so lovingly referred. Practice is fine. Blind practice is not. You learn nothing but how to hone your short-term memory, how to pass a test, and how to forget whatever it was immediately after. This is a lesson I have to remember with myself and my personal goals, and not just when it comes to learning a topic like with Spanish.
With that in mind, I (we) need to take a more proactive approach to active learning. In order to escape the tedium of blind practice, it’s important to step up and step out. How else are we to learn if we don’t give ourselves a chance?
These three simple words, like many three-word phrases, hold a lot of weight and a lot of confusion.
I wrote the title of this post as a sort of internal joke to myself; I genuinely didn’t know what I wanted to write about. But, as is nearly always the case, my mind has drummed up something for the captivated masses.
All five of you.
A few days ago, I had a short but pleasant conversation with an old high school friend who now lives across the country. I haven’t seen this friend in many years, and it was great to hear from her and get a glimpse into her current life.
I asked if she’d kept in touch with any other people we knew from school, to which she replied with, “One or two.”
And it’s kind of weird, once you think about it.
Since about March of this year, I’ve been getting back into the habit of exercising. I like to exercise at night, not for any particular reason. I guess it makes me feel like I’m working for my bedtime.
The idea of willingly putting myself through so much torture was, at one time, unheard of. But now, I find myself looking forward to working out more and more. I still don’t entirely identify with people who work out all day every day, but I do set aside about a half-hour five days a week. And, while I don’t exercise a ton, I’m starting to understand how people can get addicted to the feeling.
Sometimes I push myself too hard and too far, resulting in many sore and strained muscles. When I feel pain – not just average “workout” discomfort, but genuine pain – I stop. I have to listen to my body and give it a rest. I don’t give up on exercising entirely, but I’ll allow myself a day or two to heal.
I find this is harder to do with other pursuits; grappling with the idea of stopping versus stopping “for now” can be a challenge. For example, when I’m trying to write something (such as this post), and I’m hit with writer’s block. There are some days where it feels like I should give up completely, but then I have to remind myself: I’m not stopping, I’m just standing still. Stopping implies an end.
It’s okay to take a break once in a while. It’s okay to breathe. There are times when stopping, full-stop, is necessary. There are other times when a pause is all you need.
Just stand still, catch your breath, and keep moving forward.
Our standards are higher than ever: we expect the best from everyone at all times, and if one doesn’t rise to the expectations of their peers, they’re criticized.
This is not a new concept. No matter what, people are going to point out what’s wrong with someone else (and will go to great lengths especially if they don’t like you), casually ignoring their own faults.
But what I’m focusing on is this strange air of professionalism that’s permeating everything we do now. This is, in part, because of the internet and how easy it is to scroll through someone’s life. People become so afraid of having their pasts used against them that they erect a massive wall and hide under the shiny veneer of perfection.